then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
