I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
