There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
