There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
