he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
