I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
