didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
