Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
