Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
