Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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