I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
