So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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