I haven't been this sober since birth.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
