I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
