your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
