So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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