oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
