So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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