I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
