Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
