we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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