youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
