i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
