i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
