i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
