I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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