By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
