I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
