I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
