p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
