We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
