so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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