Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Randomize
