I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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