ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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