The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
