I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
