Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
