wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
