so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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