Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
