To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
