Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
