dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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