My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
