Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
