TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
