The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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