I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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