Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
